Grandma throws monthly birthday parties for infant granddaughter, gets mad when her son and wife refuse to attend: 'She has expressed great disdain and anger when we don't comply with her expectations'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Nov 16, 2025 10:00 AM EST

Birthday parties should not be a monthly thing. They are, by nature, a yearly event. You have to wait 364 days of the year before you get to celebrate your birthday. These are the rules. Maybe, just maybe, you celebrate your half-birthday by getting a cupcake at the grocery store and singing to yourself. But that's pushing it. Birthdays would lose their meaning if we started celebrating them more than we should. You wouldn't want them to stop being special, would you?

What happens then, when someone else is throwing them for you? Like a family member? And what if you're too young to object? That's what happened to one child, whose grandmother insisted on going over the top for their birthday. It's true that children's milestones are more important than our own. They're growing at a faster pace, and it's exciting to watch. You would hate to miss any of those moments. But there is absolutely such a thing as over-celebrating, and that's exactly what happened in this scenario. The rest of the family was not so happy about it. 

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  • A group of people celebrate an infant's birthday.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • The other members of this child's family didn't want to commit to monthly birthday parties, understandably. That's outsized attention for an infant. But were they in the right for expressing this frustration to their family? Scroll on to read the full story and understand what happened here. 

  • Am I in the wrong for not attending monthly "birthday parties?"

    I (F 35) and my husband (Bob 30) have been together for 5 years. His sister (31), gave birth to a baby girl four months ago. Since the big day, everything has understandably revolved around the baby. This is the first grandchild in my husband's family.
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  • Bob's mother, Lucy (65), has been extremely attentive and involved. While this is to be expected, the issue exists with demands for attendance to monthly birthday parties. Yes, MONTHLY themed BIRTHDAY parties for an infant that always have gifts, food, decor, etc. We have been told that gifts are not mandatory, however when
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  • we did attend we were the only ones who had not brought gifts. (We spent hundreds on baby shower gifts. There were 5 showers.) As soon as we realized this would be a monthly affair, Bob and I decided we would not attend. It has been made clear by Lucy, that we should be at each one to show our love. She has expressed great disdain and anger when we don't comply with her
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  • expectations via emotional blackmail and outright manipulation. She even had a tantrum while Bob and I visited after confronting Bob about our absence; he explained his personal reasons for not attending (concerns about an unhealthy amount of attention and expectation placed on his niece.) Now to the reason for this post. My
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  • birthday took place this month. The day of, I got a message from Lucy asking if I wanted to meet her for lunch to celebrate. I of course said yes and met her at one of her favorite places to eat. I arrived and we sat down to eat. Most of the lunch was spent catching up. Lucy brought up the latest birthday party. She asked if Bob and I were
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  • coming. I stated, No and then tried to explain why I personally do not attend the monthly birthday parties. I expressed concern about how my niece and nephew would view all the attention Bob's niece was getting. I don't want to make my niece and nephew feel like I love or care about them less simply because they are further
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  • away. Lucy interrupted by asking, I wonder how SIL feels about you not caring about her child and being involved. I quickly replied with, If SIL feels some type of way and wants to discuss it she can contact me and Bob however she sees fit. To which Lucy said, She will never do that. She could never make a fuss about it. I said Then
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  • that's her problem. Lucy said, SIL would never do this to you and Bob's kid. I responded, She will never have to worry about something like this with us. Lucy then got up and left the restaurant which had gotten uncomfortably quiet. I grabbed the card she gave and told her thank you for the meal and card. She left and I got to my car to inform Bob about what
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  • happened. So Reddit, are Bob and I the assholes for not attending his niece's monthly birthday parties? *There is much more context that we couldn't include due to character count restrictions.
    via u/Own-Mongoose-3804
  • A group of people celebrate an infant's birthday.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters gave their opinions on the story.

    lemon_charlie ⚫ 15h ago • NTA. Birthdays are annual, not monthly. With five baby showers it looks like your SIL is milking being the first one to give her mother a grandchild, and needs to be called out on it. Lucy needs to be told that not everyone's lives revolve around her granddaughter.
    via u/lemon_charlie
  • Ambitious_Yoghurt... 16h ago . NTA. Monthly birthday parties sound exhausting. (And so do 5 baby showers, I mean what?)
    via u/Ambitious_Yoghurt_70
  • No-Assignment5538 • 15h ago . NTA. Having monthly 'birthday' parties for a baby is a new level of overboard. Make it very clear that you will only be attending the actual year marker birthdays and maybe not even those if they are going totally overboard about it.
    via u/No-Assignment5538
  • aloneandsingle • 15h ago NTA Is this going to be the plan for ALL of the grandkids? Or just the first? Sounds like they are setting that kid up to become a Veruca Salt level brat if they don't nip this in the bud ASAP
    via u/aloneandsingle
  • ReadMeDrMemory 15h ago NTA. Birthday = anniversary, i.e. annual event. This is madness.
    via u/ReadMeDrMemory
  • Cosmic_Castaway 16h ago • NTA. Not at all. That's a ridiculous amount of events to go to. That's gotta be so stressful on the parents of the child as well. I kind of suspect that if you went directly to them they'd say Lucy is manipulating/pressuring them. into doing it or maybe even straight up forcing.
    via u/Cosmic_Castaway
  • . Healthy_Ad_7171 · 15h ago NTA monthly birthday parties are truly insane and a giant waste of money
    via u/Healthy_Ad_7171
  • InsideAcrobatic9429 15h ago NTA. If someone doesn't get this reined in before that little girl is old enough to know what's going on, expect her to be an absolute nightmare of a child.
    via u/InsideAcrobatic9429
  • waiting_for_letdown • 15h ago Last week it was the sisters kids monthly birthday parties. Be nice to at least have an original story that is made up.
    via u/waiting_for_letdown
  • Alternative-Bat-24... 16h ago This seems more like something you do at home. with your immediate family? Other than the parents, and maybe grandparents no one really cares. Even the parents won't care if they have a second one.
    via u/Alternative-Bat-2462
  • HotelOk9725 • 10h ago NTA - I have to ask, are the parties being posted on social media to be used as content? Because, not even the Kardashians are this excessive. This isn't about the baby this is about the parents and in particular, the grandmothers narcissism. The baby right now isn't even on solids never mind being aware of what's going on.
    via u/HotelOk9725
  • And what happens when other grandchildren come along and if they don't and - this level of doting and adoration continues baby is going to grow up and become one heck of a Veruca Salt.
    via u/HotelOk9725
  • liftkitten .7h ago This is so bananas. Lucy clearly has main character energy since that child isn't going to remember one damn party. What an exhausting individual and needlessly expensive endeavor. NTA
    via u/liftkitten
  • AndreaThomas76 · 6h ago . Oh my Lord. That's absolutely outer limits insanity. My mouth dropped open at 5 baby showers. And the full-on decor, theme, gifts for each monthly birthday party? I'm exhausted on your behalf.
    via u/AndreaThomas76
  • Competitive_Ninja6... • 5h ago You should leave all of this for your husband to handle. It's his family. The more you're involved the more problems you're creating for your husband.
    via u/Competitive_Ninja668

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